It’s been a month of inspirational speech. Words have played a central role in my life in the last month and they still ring in my ears and resonate in my heart.
Barack Obama’s acceptance speech called the country to hope again and was followed by divine sermons by the Reverend Barkley Thompson, and words of invaluable support and guidance from the Reverend Lisa Graves. There were moments of life changing conversation, dialogue and oration that have planted seeds of transformation within me. I can feel them germinating as the ideas that Bishop Light spoke of at his sermon at the Ordination of David Dixon take hold and grow. Ideas about service and the role of the church in the world. I can feel those ideas reaching for the sun as I recall Dick Schmidt’s sermon last Sunday, where he talked about the Parable of the Landowner who pays the servants who start early and the ones who start late the same daily wage. Who do you identify with he asked? The early bird, angered and envious that someone is paid the same as you for half the work? Or are you the person who is the recipient of the grace or gift of the Landowner. Or are you the Landowner, free to give as he pleases with a deep understanding that there is enough?
I can feel those seeds of transformation burst into leaf when I recall the Right Reverend Bishop Michael Curry and his passionate analysis of the Gospel of Matthew and his retelling of it as God’s message to us that we are all a family. That we are kin to the world. That in Matthew’s geneaology of Jesus, the women mentioned, Rahab, Bathsheba, Ruth…were not even Jewish. They were foreigners every one. That God had been “mixing it up from the beginning”, trying to tell us we are a family. Not Jew, or Gentile, Muslim or Buddhist…but all connected. Responsible to each other and for each other. Oh, I do his preaching no justice here, I took his words in and there they are swirling and whirling and singing to me like a wonderful call to battle. To change, to transform, to follow and become what it is I am intended to become so that this message spreads…that Love is the answer, the only answer in our broken and mistrustful world. That Jesus was right and all the ignoring it in the world won’t change it.
In this month I have sat at the side of the man I was seeing as he confessed his love for me, courageously, openly, with no expectation of an answering hand to take his. Mine reached for his without thought or volition, with a deep knowledge and certainty that had not even reached my consciousness. I have been made speechless by experience, lacking my own words to express the things and feelings that have passed through me. What can you do and say when you look into someones eyes and there is a transparency there, a stillness so quiet that you can see yourself, a depth so great it matches your own? I cannot even capture it now. This is beyond what I know of love, that usual aching burning need to capture, control, possess someone. That push me pull me, give me what I need and I will give you what you need rollercoaster I have always experienced. There is none of that here.
There is simply this stillness, this wholeness, this feeling that when we two are together we are somehow outside of time and not of the world. I don’t quite know what to make of that at all. Except that it has become precious beyond price or reason. Indescribably dear and valuable to me. Whatever happens it is if he and I will always be of each other, two halves of one whole, whether united physically in space and time or seperated by them, we are in essence connected beyond breaking.
Oh yes, words have been my wine this month and I am drunk on them. In a golden honey warm cinnamony harvest wine kind of way.