I am happy to report I heard from my fallen off the radar friend and he is well. It’s always a blessing when God answers a sincere prayer for someone’s well being. It’s been a strange week and weekend. Starting a new job, adjusting to a new schedule, accepting a personal loss, getting so much new information and having it deepen the characters I am working with.
In Troy it mostly smells like two things outside, campfire and bar-b-que or some kind of mash they feed the chickens at the chicken plant up the road. Tonight it was the campfire/bbq combo. It was cooler than normal and I sat on the porch while my little dog wandered around the yard in the twilight. I live quite close to Troy University who must be having Band Camp and Football Training. I could hear the band and the muted sounds of an announcer on at the stadium. It’s so peaceful that it takes me back to my childhood. I could hear sprinklers, occasional soft voices of neighbors in the distance. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since I’ve moved here. I wonder how much longer I’ll stay. I wonder where I’ll go next.
I am in a contemplative mood. I know what my job right now is: write, work, get fit and leave the big things in God’s hands. There are things I am grieving, things I long for. I can do nothing about it. I simply have to trust God to provide the right road for me. I trust him.
When I was younger a teacher hoping to encourage patience prompted me to practice it by trying to go for as long as I could without biting into a Blow-Pop. I am ashamed to say I never made it past about three sucks. A lot has changed since then thankfully and one of the most important things I’ve learned to do is just admit to myself that I have no control over some situations or relationships as the case may be. I can let the person know I’m here, I’m waiting if they need or want me but I’m leaving things in their hands. I can trust others, I can trust God enough to wait and see what will happen, and to accept it if nothing does. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel frustrated or anxious. It just means I’ve decided not to let frustration or anxiety dictate my actions. Patience has become a practice, a spiritual discipline like others that can bring me peace. Whether the outcome is positive or not, the act itself is its own reward. It’s also infinitely kinder for those I am in relationship with, which ultimately make me happiest of all.