Longing

Copious amounts of reading and writing for school leave me little time to write for pleasure, though I have so much I want to get down here. Most importantly, my discernment meeting helped me to ask myself the question, what is a priest? What do you expect of one?

Of course, I think I’ve spent the last 2 years thinking about what other people would expect and also applying my crazily high expectations of priests onto that role myself and asking myself…huh? what? Me?

But it’s strange. All that worry and fear went away the very moment I surrendered completely to the insistent pushing from God. I say pushing, but the instant you surrender it isn’t pushing any more, it’s pulling, a wonderful, warm, embracing drawing you closer to where you were made to be.  Caught up in the “fishing net of God”, waiting to be drawn up into his boat. Then you scratch your head and wonder what the heck you were struggling so hard for. Once, while in prayer and while still questioning the whole idea, I got the clearest little montage of a horse in a burning barn in panic, and a calm figure soothing the horse, covering it’s eyes, and leading it out. How much that seems to apply. For we walk by faith and not by sight…

Somehow I feel sure that God wouldn’t lead me somewhere I shouldn’t go, as long as I follow him and not any selfish desire of my own heart. If I do that, I shouldn’t need to fear being up to the task, because he will make me up to it, educate me, form me, shape me to his desire and task.

One other thing, I am reading the Hindu mystical holy writing, The Bhagavad Gita and reading it gives me the same sensation as the first long pull off of a cold bottle of water after a hike on a hot day. It sinks into me as if I were drought stricken crop lands and it was the rain…

It’s beautiful and I am grateful beyond words for the class that features it and look forward to every other tiny piece of theology that comes my way. Nothing interests me more than exploring the nature of God and the paths to him.

The Fall

Wow, I have been a total slacker on the “updating the blog” front. Today I was watching trailers at Apple.com and I saw one about a movie called “The Fall”. It’s a transporting, lyrical, visual metaphor about the nature of stories and storytelling. Of course it isn’t showing here, but I did write to the Grandin theater to see if they will be bringing it. I feel a kind of longing to see it that I know will stay with me. My heart was caught and my eyes teared up with the strength of my reaction to the trailer.

Tomorrow I start my internship and I am excited and very ready. At church on Sunday, I reflected on the edits I plan on making to my spiritual autobiography. This is a pre-requisite to the Discernment process. The feedback from my advisor on the original is valid. She basically told me that I used humor to keep the reader at a distance. I just need to let my guard down and be completely open. Sounds simple right? Feels like a teeth gritting exercise.

I’ve been to see some more films since the last time I posted. Prince Caspian was wonderful. It really took me back to my childhood when I read the series over and over. Having attended a class on CS Lewis not long ago, I also saw the Christian parallels I missed as a child. Very moving.

I also saw IronMan again, EXCELLENT. I stayed until after the credits after learning that there was an extra little preview of the next chapter in the series. I still love Tony Stark and RDJ! He has apparently signed for 2 more IronMan films.

I also saw Sex and the City which was enjoyable, light and fluffy.

I caught The Fountain on DVD. It’s a love story and a reflection on the meaning of death and one man’s war against it. Visually stunning, the soundtrack was haunting, the film is almost like a dream.

I had the weirdest dream the other evening, I cut off one of my arms to eat it. It was like there was no food, so I cut it off and was trying to decide how to cook it. It didn’t hurt a bit. I can’t imagine what that could mean, but I awoke feeling horrified and repulsed despite the apparent calmness of “dream me”.

I don’t think it’s the kind of dream you can find in a dream dictionary.

Other things I am working on? COLDPLAY is coming to DC on July 2. I am dying to see that show. I’ve pre-ordered the new album and downloaded the title track, Viva La Vida. Totally loving it.

The BoSox will play in Baltimore again tonight and then in August. I hope I can hit one of the games in August.

I am working on a new system with my daughter to check in with her every school day to make sure she gets back on track with her school work so she can graduate on time. She is in an online school and it’s easy to let things slide. I have established a new rule, that she has to talk to her teachers every day because I think that will help her. I will call her every evening to see how the calls went.

I am glad Senator Kennedy is OK. I would hate anything bad to happen to him. I am praying that Obama locks in the nomination and that Clinton goes away. I’d like him to pick Catherine Sebelius as his VP.

I am looking forward to the Belmont on Saturday. I am sure Big Brown will do well.

On Friday Kung Fu Panda starts as well as Don’t Mess with the Zohan.

The best part of the MTV Movie Awards was the digital short that featured Robert Downey Junior, Jack Black and Ben Stiller. It was so funny I was crying with laughter all the way until the very end where it went a little too far.

I am making some homemade chicken salad  and fresh bread for my lunch tomorrow. It’s been a while since I made bread. I love it though.
I am also making risotto with chicken, cranberries and Parmesan for dinner. I think mom will like that.

Well then…

I am off to DC. I had a change of plans. Couldn’t snag a light kit so I am going to go and see if I can get some shots in Arlington anyway. I think I will try and see the horse races while I am up there too, and of course go to the cathedral.

Best of all I have an appointment at my favorite salon, so I can get a little pampering.  I admit it, I miss some of the world I left behind, and that is one of the things I miss the most….getting to be a little bit of a princess.

Still owe Columns a story, but waiting on some editorial feedback before I finish it off.

I have the Chaplain Facebook group up to date from my point of view, I am hoping the rest of the ladies get a chance to add their stuff before we do a PR push.

I also put in a call to Rev. Barkley Thompson’s office. I hope to get an appointment with him soon about discernment.

~Ciao bueno~