If you know the rest of that sonnet from William Shakespeare you will know something of what love can be and has been for me. As I’ve written before, giving unconditional love is its own reward. When you love someone, it’s not an investment with a rate of return. It’s simply a gift. You recognize something beautiful and special in another soul, and it engenders love. You recognize it, love, and you share that with them. I personally love to give gifts to those I love. It delights me to think deeply on another person I care for, and try to anticipate something for them, or give them something that will make them happy. I also enjoy telling them exactly what about them is so amazing and beautiful.
However, it can be so sad to love someone and find that they cannot receive love. Either, they don’t believe they are worthy of love, so they think you aren’t sincere, or perhaps they have never felt love for another themselves, so they can’t recognize sincerity. I learned long ago that complete honesty is the only way to conduct a healthy relationship. The key to this is to never punish a person emotionally or otherwise for telling you the truth. Even if they have withheld something from you, even if they have lied to you, when they are finally honest, you cannot punish them in any way. You want to reward people for telling the truth, and foster an environment of trust and honesty. The number one thing people need in a relationship is to feel safe. If someone doesn’t feel safe with you, they will always hold back. They will keep things from you. They will control the information they share, because they are afraid of what will happen if they are completely honest. They don’t know how you will react. That’s death to a relationship. In a great relationship, your partner already knows how you will react. They know no matter what they tell you, you aren’t going anywhere, that you will be on their side, that you know the worst of them and the best of them. That you love all of them. That you are a team. That’s where you need to be. This is the way that I love people. Now if the other person experiences this love, and they can’t trust it? What can you do?
You have to recognize that this person does not respect you, will not trust you. Does not respect your love. Does not want what you have offered. In my most recent relationship, I was rejected in so many ways. It was so painful to remain open even when I received rebuff after rebuff. Why did I remain so vulnerable? I felt so much love for the person, that despite their hurtful behaviors and words, I really believed that when they felt safe, they would lower their guard. That they would stop trying to logic themselves out of love, and just be true to the original words they spoke to me, they were “in it to win it.”
Finally I had to accept they did not and would never feel the same. They would not have rejected me so brutally if there was a chance. I had to accept that the best gift I could give them, was my absence.
I do not regret anything at all about loving this person. Every moment I spent with them, all the experiences I had with them are precious memories. Many of them are engraved on my heart and will always be with me. Just like everyone I have ever loved, the love remains. Recall that I have mentioned that no relationship is permanent. Some last longer than others, but they all end. If not because of circumstance, then in the best case, if you marry sacramentally, in death. You just have to enjoy what love you are allotted in life whenever you are fortunate enough to find someone to love. Notice I say find someone to love. I have been so blessed to be loved by many in my life. Even if I am never loved by another, I am already surrounded by love in my life. My mother, daughter, all my grandchildren (4!) and my extended large family. There are also people I love beyond my family who also love me. Most importantly, God. I never feel unloved because of God.
I want to remind everyone why it is so important to love this way. You have no bitterness in your heart. You will feel grief for what you lost. But you are strong, you will survive loss and grief. You are indestructible. It is okay to mourn what you lost, because of course, losing someone precious to you will hurt. The dreams of your future together that were once a shared goal, now gone, will need to be erased. All of this is painful and you need to go through these emotions in order to heal. Never suppress this process. This is the way to heal your heart. I believe when your heart is broken, it leaves a little gap, and healing it, fills it in with even more heart to love the next person.
I’ve always felt I have an ocean of love in my heart, bottomless. It’s easy for me to love people. In many different ways of course. As friends, as family, unconditionally, simply recognizing the shared divinity we carry as humans. I think it is harder to love someone romantically because there must also be respect, chemistry, commonality of values and perhaps for me the most important thing, the person must be naturally curious. I am a naturally curious, perhaps excessively curious person, so I prefer a person also be naturally curious by nature. If I fall in love, I wish to learn everything about that person. I will learn about their hobbies so I can share them, I will learn what they love. I hope for a person to be as curious about me. Sometimes the people I have loved have lacked that curiosity, however, I feel I have always left them better than I have found them. I gave them all I had to give regardless of what they were able to give in return. Perhaps there will never be someone like that for me in my life. I am okay with that. For now, I will continue to heal, knowing that love is forever, and that my heart will grow larger again in time.
One of the books I plan to write in the future will be about the places in the world I love. I’ve been to California many times now. Not only Los Angeles, but San Francisco, Santa Monica. I’ve always loved it. The first few times I visited were back in the olden days of the Internet, when there was a convention called Internet World. I went on the corporate dime and stayed at gorgeous five star boutique hotels where the lobbies are hushed and they greeted me by name every time I arrived. I always used valet and drove convertibles. I stayed on the beach in Santa Monica. When I visited Los Angeles for the first time I had one of the first Internet enabled devices, a wireless palm pilot that I accidentally left at the Viper Room after hanging there one night post conference with some vendors. I am happy to say they had it in lost and found the next day. One year Joan Rivers told jokes during dinner. Another, year Santana played during an event. Once they rented California Adventure out for the night for us. A group of those of us who were there solo hung out. I named us the Wicked Tribe. We got smashed and rode the roller coaster repeatedly and then played fair games. Ahh, those were the days. I attended one conference in San Francisco where the last day was optional, so I drove up to to Yosemite to eat dinner at the Lodge and see Bridal Veil falls. Breathtaking. I was sad I couldn’t stay longer and resolved to come back in the future.
More recently I’ve made three trips to Los Angeles. Once to see BTS, once to visit a friend, and once to see a Korean art exhibit that included narration by RM of BTS. I haven’t really spent time reviewing my visits and I have been meaning to. To me, California is ten years in the future. Every time I go, I am reminded of how far behind everywhere else is. Using Alabama as a measuring stick, the rest of the country is about ten years behind with trends, technology, restaurants, services.
The first time I went I stayed at the AC Hotel by Marriott Los Angeles South Bay. It’s in El Segundo it was a great location to attend the BTS concert. The room was spacious and upgraded, they had a neat bar on the roof and there was plenty of stuff nearby, including a Starbucks within walking distance.
On that trip I got to eat at In and Out, as well as a very unusual Korean BBQ called Meat Love. I didn’t have a lot of time because I was really just there for the concert. You may recall my post about that trip.
My second trip was different. I was there expressly to visit and be a tourist. I stayed in a hotel in Anaheim, which while nice, wasn’t quite as upscale as I prefer. I didn’t know much about that area so I just went by reviews and ended up on the edge of a less tourist friendly area. It was still quite safe and I was even able to walk to downtown Santa Ana from the hotel. There was a fantastic coffee shop there that I grew quite fond of. I didn’t rent a car, instead using Uber and relying on my friend for transportation on occasion. I went to the La Brea tar pits! Did you know they are only an inch thick?! I once imagined you could fall into a deep bottomless pit of tar there. So I was shocked to learn this factoid. It’s so unassuming that it’s easy to see how critters stumbled upon the tar and were captured there. One of the common animal bones collected there, were those of dire wolves. After visiting La Brea, you can walk through the adjacent park, right up to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. (LACMA) It was on this trip that I really explored the whole museum and saw the Kehinde Wiley paintings and many other artist’s works. On another day I visited a local Venezuelan restaurant, which was really a highlight of my stay. It’s called Mil Jugos They have very authentic Venezuelan food run by a family of recent immigrants. They even offer fried arepas, which are somewhat hard to come by since so many people seem to griddle theirs. Freaking delicious. If you are a fan of Venezuelan food, which of course I am from living there, definitely check them out. I only wish they had Chinoto. I also went to a special shopping mall called The Source OC which is full of Asian shops and restaurants. It was so fun to get cute macarons, use the photo booth they had, and eat lunch at the food court where one place offered Korean street food. I enjoyed getting to visit downtown and go to the Line Friends store where my friend bought me an adorable stuffed RJ.
This is RJ
The last day I was there, I visited The Bowers, a small museum in Santa Ana, which ended up being absolutely fascinating. Some of the more interesting areas were the Headhunters gallery, the Disney Special Exhibit, and the bonkers collection of mini bottles from ancient China.
Tenzig Norgay, the first man to summit EverestMr. Norgay without gearFishing implements made from shellsSmall Chinese bottles
The museum even had some interesting things in their gift shop which I hadn’t seen before. I’ve been in several museum gift shops now.
A cute wooden crowA plug in paper lanternA hidden charm necklaceA lovely set of chopsticksWear the starsThese were part of the Disney collectionMore fanciful stuff from DisneyThey had just been advertising some of this
After this museum, I went to a cool little spot called Chapter One, a local place, so I could wait for my friend to get off work and give me a ride to the airport. It wasn’t long before I was heading home from that trip. This was during Covid, and I noticed how many hands free things had already been implemented everywhere. Hands free doors, UV lights when you wash your hands. Hands free soda fountains. None of that in Ohio of course.
I took the time to enjoy some of the sights outside as well.
In the garden at The BowersLa Brea Tar PitsJust seeing a mountain in the distanceOranges in someone’s yard as I walked byThe adorable and TASTY macarons I got at The Source OC
Here was the view from my plane window as I took off, looking back longingly. I was getting the feeling California and I belonged together.
Looking out my plane window in February 2022 as I flew home.
My next trip was more recent. I went to see a special art exhibit at LACMA called The Space Between: Modern in Korean Art This was a very unique exhibition, the first of its kind in the West and featured 130 works as well as audio commentary on many works by renowned art lover, Kim Namjoon (RM) of BTS fame. I was dying to go and see this exhibition and hear RM speak about the pieces he’d selected to narrate. (In English and in Korean) This time I booked through United Vacations, they have the best RT flight between here and LA (that is direct) and I knew they would get me a good hotel. I ended up at the Anaheim Marriott Suites. It was across from a Target, a Longhorn, several other hotels and restaurants and had a Starbucks in the lobby. My room was a suite and I had a mini fridge. It was very close to Disneyland which I didn’t mind at all. In fact, my first morning there, I went to IHOP (Pumpkin Pancakes!) right across from Disneyland and there were tons of adorable kids and families all dressed for the park. There was a man making spectacular balloon animals too. He made the Alien from the claw machine in Toy Story and Donald Duck and even Mickey Mouse. It was very impressive. He wasn’t charging, asking only for donations. It cheered me immensely just to be around Disney stuff, reminding me of many happy hours in the past. I met my friend who lives in LA for dinner and we walked to one of the restaurants near my hotel that sold Greek/Mediterranean food. I had a falafel and it was delicious, with a kind of radish in it I’d not had in my falafel before. My friend explained that it was actually the REAL way to have it. I love learning new things like that.
The next day was my first day there and I didn’t have many plans. My trip to the museum was scheduled for Saturday. Instead I used the time to begin setting up my podcast. I planned to use as much free time as possible recording, getting a theme song, finalizing my logo, developing my website, choosing my podcast host and launching my podcast. I am happy to say that I accomplished all of that during my visit. When I left I had published the introduction and two episodes. I have a website, I have a host. I am available on 9 platforms including all the big guys like Apple, Spotify, Google etc. I also went to Target and stocked up on water and snacks.
The day I visited the museum was very exciting to me. I spent about two hours going through the whole exhibit, and I felt a bit bad for my friend who I realized was not keen to hang around with me during my extended viewing. They didn’t make me feel bad about it though, simply wandering off to do their own thing, After I’d finished the exhibit, I discovered a 2nd one by a Korean artist. He’d been born in North Korea, his parents killed, one arm cut off and his childhood fraught with bullying and despair. His name was Park Dae Sung. Not only is his story compelling, LACMA had eight of his pieces to show. I’ve recently read Dartmouth in New Hampshire is having an exhibition of his work until 2023. Perhaps my next vacation should be camping in NH again!
Here are some of the works I saw and loved:
Sound of the Bow StringSounds of WaterBird made with a rapid stroke
A couple of other restaurants I visited were a wonderful Italian place in Orange, CA I believe was called Francoli Gourmet. I wasn’t too attentive to the name at the time, I was just wide eyed with wonder because downtown Orange is so charming and it was dressed up for Christmas. The food was perfect, I had the Bolognese and they subbed a pasta I preferred for me, and my dining companion and I shared the carpaccio. The wine suggested to me was also stellar. The next day I tried the diner across from the hotel for breakfast and it was adequate, but my dining partner ate a heavier meal and it seemed to weigh them down. I also ate at a Ramen restaurant for the first time. It was very authentic Japanese ramen and I had the pork tonkatsu. I couldn’t eat the whole bowl but I thought it was unforgettable anyway. The last two meals I had there were back at the Venezuelan place I ate at in February and at the Longhorn near the hotel.
I had several Boba from a Boba shop there that I became a little bit addicted to. I haven’t found any other place like it. Just thinking about it now makes me miss it. They even give you adorable screw top bottles to keep with each order. I brought back 4 with me. My mom latched onto them and started using them as water bottles for work. It’s kind of cute because this batch all has pigs on them, most of them in top hats. I also went to see Wakanda Forever in IMAX and while I was there, I went in Build-A-Bear. Because I’ve always wanted to do Build-A-Bear. So I did. I guess I am nothing if not a little girl inside, because I found a little Otter skin, put a heart inside him, then filled him with fluff and dressed him in Dino PJ’s. I named him Finn. (Like Huckleberry.) When I hug him tight his heart goes thump-thump-thump. It’s really nice.
The last afternoon I spent at Downtown Disney, I got a mouth watering caramel apple, the kind that ONLY. Disney makes. I explored the truly insane amount of Mickey/Minnie ears. They have Minnie ears for every princess now. They even have a Bambi Minnie ears. I actually thought it was pretty amazing. All the Bambi stuff looked like it was covered with bracken and flowers. Princess Tatiana’s from the Princess and the Frog are white and gold and look very angelic.
Finn the OtterPaper bouquetsBambi Minnie EarsCute Bambi backpackCoco Minnie earsMy fancy fruit juice at Tiki BarTrader Sam’s Enchanted Tiki BarThe volcano that erupts when someone orders a certain beverageWatch out, the volcano can erupt at any time!One of my complimentary Cosmos in the United Club
I bought my mom a paper bouquet of flowers as a souvenir to join the two I had given her as cards on previous occasions. She’ll have her own paper garden. I also went over to the Disneyland Resort and found the Tiki bar. I just had juice but it was fun to sit at the bar and watch all the special effects when people ordered certain drinks. I had to wrap it up pretty quickly but once I got to the airport I got to hang out for a bit in the United Club. I had a couple of Cosmos and some snacks while I waited for boarding to begin.
It was a memorable trip, and my jetlag reminded me that my body is already naturally set to California time. I’m halfway there already right? My next post will probably be less of a travelogue or report on my activities and more reflective and what you might be used to reading from me. I just had to get rid of some of this clutter first. I hope you enjoyed the details though! I love reliving my happy memories and I encourage everyone to recall all your happy memories as you fall asleep at night. The more you remember them, the more indelible they become.
Some of my all time favorite memories are just wet wired into my nervous system. I can replay them, recall smells, feelings, sight, sound, everything.
One is of riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad with my daughter when she was little.
One is of sitting in my car overlooking a valley, alone in the middle of the night in New Hampshire, up on the Kancamagus Highway. For a while I even sat on the hood, and watched the stars, let my eyes adjust to the dark and just felt so peaceful, alone in the dark.
One is of my ex-husband washing my hair at a campsite. If you’ve never had your hair washed by someone that loves you, it’s a precious gift. I am lucky to have been loved.
This is one reason I am able to love unconditionally and expect nothing in return. Much has been given to me in my life.
It’s clear to me that others have not had that luxury. If I could I would love the whole world, or at least make them FEEL loved.
Even the age old question, if you had three wishes, what would they be? For me, it’s all about helping people feel loved and be loved.
Yesterday my mother and I drove the 2 1/2 hours to the Detroit Institute of Art for one my Christmas gifts. The special exhibit Van Gogh in America which featured 74 works by Van Gogh from around the world. I had seen a few of them, in Chicago, in DC, in Boston and in Cleveland. But the vast majority I saw for the first time in person, yesterday. It was packed with people and you had to wait in line to get in, to get to each painting. That aspect was terrible. I ducked out of line and started zipping back in one on one to snap photos. HD of course, so I could zoom in on brush strokes later. One painting called Olive Trees caught my eye because of the rainbow of colors spread across the ground at the base of the trees. It wasn’t until I saw the picture I took, that I realized the multicolored patches were pools of sunlight. You had to observe the painting from a distance to see that.
You can kind of tell how short I am from the angle that this picture was taken from.
There are others that I loved and I also discovered a couple of new artists while I was there. I got to see a new (to me) Kehinde Wiley called The Hussar.
On one of my trips to Los Angeles I saw two Wiley’s at LACMA
Wiley is probably most famous for his portrait of President Obama. It’s stunning. I fell in love with his work after seeing it.
I will be posting more of the Van Gogh works on Twitter or another venue. (Depending on Twitter’s longevity) I will link to whatever platform I post them to on the right side of my blog.
I’ve started a podcast in preparation for the launch of my book and I will share it once I have enough episodes up to make it worth someone’s while. I have so many topics that it shouldn’t take long. It’s really a matter of securing recording space since my dog is always keen to interrupt once I start to speak into the mic. I’ve even got plans for a second podcast that is more “stories from my life and daily thoughts” but with interviews on occasion. It will be more of the moment and about hot topics of the day, culture, art, and all the other things that fascinate me. I also just have so many stories from my many lives I’d love to preserve and I think people would be interested in. Maybe not interested now, but one day in the future.
You only have to work with people twenty five years younger than you are to realize how much they don’t know about things you take for granted as general knowledge. There are people in the workforce right now who don’t remember when a President Obama hadn’t happened yet. Or 9/11, the Internet, the Web. (Or know what the difference is between those two things is.) You might even be one of those people. That’s the tip of the iceberg.
I’m Gen X myself, but my mom is part of the Silent Generation. So she is also part of a generation that is often overlooked. (The one between the Greatest and Boomers)
I also think of how my view of the world has been shaped by growing up a child in Alabama, moving to Venezuela as an 11 year old, the Texas/Mexico border when I was 13 and back to Alabama when I was 14. As an adult I moved to Toronto in my early 20’s, Orlando, FL and then the Northeast for many years. I’ve spent time in the West. I even lived in New Orleans right after Katrina. I lived in Alexandria, VA, outside of DC and in Northern, VA as well as several years in Roanoke. I’ve even moved back to Alabama to the Eastern Shore, Daphne/Fairhope and Gulf Shores, AL. All these places shaped me. Right now I reside in Cleveland Heights, Ohio to be close to my daughter and grandkids. Very worth it, though not the state I would pick if I had a choice. I regret she has to stay here. If I could I would live in California or possibly New Hampshire. Perhaps a home in each place if we are daydreaming.
Someone might win a billion dollars tonight with the Mega Million lottery. I wonder where they will be from.
My trip to L.A. started with my 3:00 a.m. alarm. I was already packed, so I just had to shower, pack up my last few toiletries and get dressed to go. Since I would arrive at the airport by 5 a.m. I made no plans for breakfast. After checking my bag and making it through security, I waited for the Starbucks across from my gate to open and got in line for my fave drink of the moment and some oatmeal. As I waited for the boarding process to begin, I realized how many ARMY were around me and began to talk to them. I even got my first freebie, an AgustD photocard from a fellow passenger. This was just a taste of ARMY fellowship.
My flight was uneventful, I watched the movie Queen Pins that was featured by United Airlines and enjoyed it. I had some cranberry juice and water to stay hydrated.
Arrival was easy and I made my way to the rental car agency where I hit my first snag. Thrifty was repeatedly flagged as a security risk, even with card services on the phone. They attempted to whitelist them twice to no avail. I ended up losing my prepaid rental as a result. I’m still waiting to hear from Thrifty, though the agent said he would note on the reservation as this had happened before.
With a little nervousness I installed Lyft and took my first ride to a local coffee shop where I was expecting to meet a friend for coffee. Halfway there though, the friend let me know he wouldn’t make it. I decided to have coffee anyway at a great local place called Philz they had suggested to try a cold coffee called the Gingersnap. It was made with Oat milk and very delicious. I was suffering a glitch on my phone that I fixed a bit later which was draining my battery, so I plugged in at the donut shop next door and ordered an Uber for the ride to my hotel. I switched to to Uber after I recalled I was trying their premium service for a month and it gave me discounts on rides. On the way there my friend called and said they were waiting at my hotel now so to take my time. It turned out to be good luck because I was too early to check in. I stored my bag with the valet and we went to In-N-Out Burger. I’d wanted to try it for a while.
The burger was really delicious. It had a buttery, toasted bun. I had mine with cheese, ketchup, mustard, and lettuce. We also shared a container of fries. They were like McDonald’s but a bit heartier. They had a really cool contactless fountain drink center.
Next we headed down to Koreatown to try and visit the Line Friends store, but there was a long line in front of it and only an hour before it closed. My friend knew a couple of places that might have BT21 stuff so we visited a few shops. I successfully got a some items featuring TaTa, Mang, RJ, and Koya. I also got a name tag for my work lanyard at the museum that says 김석직 or Kim Seok Jin in English. We also went to an Asian Grocer and I picked up a couple of cup Ttekbokki to tide me over until I could get to the good Korean store back home. It was about time to head back to the hotel and when we arrived it was only to discover my room was still not available.
My companion for the evening called and reminded me to use his Bonvoy number at check in. I wandered over to do that and saw a quick change in demeanor. Wow. They assured me that they were upgrading me to a larger room and that it would be ready in 10 minutes. So my friend and I decided to walk around the hotel and see the rooftop bar. Though it was foggy and cool, they had outdoor heaters lit and glass and rock fireplace dividers. The name was Flora and there were plants and herbs embedded into the decor. It was quite lovely.
We returned downstairs only to discover the room was still not ready. I can’t recall where now, but we determined to go somewhere to kill time. We had only driven a block before the hotel called to let me know that my room was ready. This was great timing. We turned around and went back. I bid my friend farewell and went to freshen up in my room to meet my companion for the evening.
We had plans to enjoy a lovely dinner of Korean BBQ, but the first two places we tried closed up early. We ended up at a place that was open until 11:30 pm called Meat Love. It was unlike any other Korean BBQ I’ve been to as it was light on side dishes, heavy on meat, and lacking in rice and leaves of of any kind. This was not a disappointment to me though. My companion made a chopstick holder out of the wrapper, much to my delight and surprise. The meat was very good, and I had bulgogi for the first time. I really, really enjoyed it. I am usually a pork belly person, but I am definitely now a fan of bulgogi. After dinner, I enjoyed a great conversation with my companion as we drove back to the hotel and finally called it a night when I fell asleep at around 1:00 am. In total I was awake around 26 hours straight.
Instant Handmade Chopstick Holder
The day of the concert was foggy and cool and I woke up in time for breakfast at about 9:30 am. I pulled on some clothes and went down to the lobby restaurant and ordered up some avocado toast with an egg, along with a small side of oatmeal to go with the self serve tea I started the day with. After watching the first two episodes of the new Dexter on free Showtime, I walked the block and a half to the local Starbucks for a tall triple shot almond milk latte to get my blood pumping and came back. I checked the time and got in the shower to get ready for the show.
After deciding to opt for jeans and a casual shirt instead of my dress, I put on my light packable puffer and my over the shoulder clear stadium bag and went to get an uber. This was quick and painless. All of my trips cost no more than $13. It felt like the rental car fail had been dodging a bullet because it would have been at least $50 for two nights parking. After arriving at the Uber drop off point, I began walking in when I noticed a truck parked out front playing scenes of Jin with his new single from the OST of Jirisan, Yours. I stopped to watch it for a second because I have had that song on repeat lately. I love it so much.
I joined the people streaming toward a parking structure in the distance. As I rounded the building’s corner, I saw a grey dome to my left, and a lot of people and stuff in parking lots with a Target in the background on the right. My first thought as I approached was to find my entry just so I knew where it was, but I actually came out onto my line. Right next to it was the VIP line, and a vaccination verification station. It had a very short wait for some reason, so I went through it quickly. I got a wristband for that and checked my entry line which was literally packed with people. I left it alone and decided to go see if I could manage to get a few things. The first merch booth I came to had several lines. I tried to choose the shortest one and noticed people were leaving with ARMY light sticks aka ARMY bombs.
This was number one on my list because it allows attendees to be participants in the concert by syncing the lights of the show and the audience together. It creates amazing effects.
Here’s one example during the wave the night of my concert and it’s followed by Jin’s birthday surprise that happened the night I was there. (I’m one row up from the floor directly across from the stage)
There were actually two projects that night. One was everyone holding up Jin’s name in Korean on red and white hearts in front of their ARMY bombs. That was during the first Moment or “ment” as they are called, when the guys take a break for a breath and talk to the crowd. They each said something and had an interpreter there to translate. It was always very personal and intimate and like sharing with a friend you haven’t seen for a while. Which is true. Because to all of the fans, that’s how we feel. Many visit the BTS specific fan locked site called Weverse and post about their lives, speaking to the members as if they read them, and it turns out they do often scroll through and answer regularly. Especially during the last two years it has kept them and the fans connected to each other.
Since I became a fan almost 2 years ago… my ARMY friend added it up for me recently using release dates of songs, I’ve only ever known them that way. So meeting them in a concert was a brand new experience. I’m of the opinion that I want to see the people I am inspired by, but I don’t want them to see me. Many others, especially the more insane fans, called sasaengs, which stalk and torture their idols and remove the hope of them having even a pretense of a normal lives, WANT their inspirations to see them and know them. This is just bizarre to me. Why? They are just normal people. Let them do their thing and have a life privately. Don’t they give you enough the rest of the time? I really pity them so much. I hope to God they are having private personal relationships successfully because the idea of them losing their entire twenties that way just is heartbreaking. But I am a teensy bit hopeful that after the outpouring of support they are getting in the US, at the AMA’s, at the concerts, for Butter, that they can relax a little and take a chance at dating for real.
Celebrities in the US date all the time. I know it’s different in Korea, but any of them could easily get an EB-5 visa in the US and become a permanent resident or citizen if they chose. So it’s not like they have to give up anything, and if one decides to do it, don’t they all get to? I don’t know, I just feel a lot of empathy imagining myself in that position. It would be way too hard for me. It’s probably the thing that is holding me back the most from publishing a specific book, fear that it would be influential in a way and people would want more from me than I want to give of my time or service and I would be called to answer. That’s very cowardly of me isn’t it? Those guys at least have the guts to do what they love without letting all of that and fear stop them. Gotta’ admire it. It’s one of the things that inspires me and moves me closer to publishing and completing the big goal of my life.
Back to the concert- so after that, towards the end of the concert they had a ment’ and that’s the one featured above where the 2nd project is shown. The Moons for Jin project passed out who knows how many thousands of black paper moon covers which you assembled and placed over your ARMY bomb to create the effect. Many people on the Internet knew about these projects and worked on them and brought the materials to the concert for those, like me, who were not in the right circles to have heard anything about them. So I was given two moons and a Jin heart before the concert began, by ARMY. One ARMY was in the seat next to mine! The important thing is, you can see why an ARMY bomb is so critical. They cost $60, the most expensive item I planned to buy.
So as I waited in line I listened in to the people in front of me, pretty blatantly. When you go alone to an event like this, you look for any opportunity to strike up conversation, so I took a moment to compliment the enormous amount of merchandise that adorned these three. All nearly 6 feet tall, (I’m 5′) they had on every conceivable item you could possibly want as a BTS fan. Shoes, shirts, jackets, hats, or berets, clear bags, filled with BT21 stuff, multiple ARMY bombs etc. They were talking about previous concert experiences and I couldn’t stop myself from asking about the ones they’d been to before. What I’d overheard was one saying with a sniff, that only a few people in the last section they’d sat in during the Map of the Soul Tour had known the fan chant, but THIS time, they had floor tickets so they were sure it’d be better. I expressed my admiration, though I was very scared of being on the floor since I am so little. The videos from there are always so amazing though. I was happy with my seat but after I saw the view from the floor, I felt that next time, me and my ARMY friend(s?) were going to do floor and dang the consequences. As we waited they explained where they had gotten various items in L.A. (at a place called The Source) and how to get an ARMY bomb if I failed to get one outside. Strategies included which floor to try and where the bomb specific stand was likely located. A noise was heard and a rush of people left the line. I flagged one down and she told me they were out of bombs at this location. They seemed to have a lot of other stuff though, so I stuck it out another 20 minutes and managed to get a medium sized t-shirt. All other clothing was in XL or larger.
Then I headed to the BIG merch area. It had rows and rows of ropes where people had waited in line for hours to buy merch on previous days. But here, only 30 minutes before entry as soundcheck kicked off, the line was pretty empty. People did have to duck and step under and over all the ropes. When I got to the front they told me they had no bombs but pointed to a solo stand across the parking lot past all the ropes and said it was a bomb only stand.
I trekked back towards it. As I made my way, again over and undering it with the ropes, my toe caught on one on the lower ones and I hit the concrete, hard. Hands and knees, in front of probably 70 people. Ugh. I just waited a minute because it was really painful and I had to act like it didn’t hurt at all. Someone asked me if I was okay, so I pulled it together, and got up and said, totally fine! I went to dust off my hands and realized I had actually bruised my fricking palms. Who does that?!
Just as I arrived a seller went down the line and yelled that the Special Edition light sticks were sold out. These were specific to this concert and were clear plastic and themed to Permission to Dance. It was a little irritating to see people walking by with multiple light sticks when I couldn’t get one. Several people left the line. The bulk stayed in, which meant, like me, they had none at all. By the time I got to the front about 10 minutes later, they only had 16 left so I felt so lucky! At last my own ARMY Bomb!
My ARMY friend back in Cleveland had asked for one of the official photocards of Jimin, and I wanted one of V so I asked people if anyone knew if there were photocards for sale. A linemate turned and said they were all sold out, then hesitated and said, oh yeah, except for Jimin and V, they still had those! I couldn’t believe it. So I hustled back to the BIG merch area and secured those cards.
I went back toward my entry, #8, to see if I could go in yet and everyone was still milling around. So I left them to it and just followed a couple of lines to see if they made sense. I asked a guard about one which I followed from the VIP line and he assured me it actually went to entry #8. This was very puzzling, and I was trying to sort it out when it didn’t matter anymore because everyone started to make a rush for the entry. The line got ragged and fell apart. I just slid around people until I got right to an entry gate person, showed my ID, ticket, and wristband and walked right in. It seemed a lot of people waited to get vaccine verified at the door, and someone behind me didn’t even have ID.
The stadium itself was so interesting. As I went in, we went down, and down again. The lines of people were moving pretty well and then all of a sudden I hit a wall of cross traffic which I couldn’t figure out. I managed to get by it and identify my seat. I then found an unused bathroom close by with no waiting and took advantage of that before stopping at a virtually unmolested Burrito place to grab a bottle of water. I decided to hit first aid to get my left knee cleaned and bandaged after closer examination showed a pretty bad abrasion and with me being on blood thinners and in a hotel I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
After getting my ARMY bomb synced by seat number one story up, I went back to my seat. I had a great view of the videos they were using before the show. Every time a new video came on there was a wave of screaming which was really confusing and different from a normal concert where only people coming on stage elicit screams. I tried not to flinch every single time. LOL. I went ahead and put my earplugs in.
View from my seat
I had a decent view as I was Section 232. It’s the first row up from the floor. By the way, the dome you see up overhead starts at ground level at Section 3. So where I am, and the stage is, are all underground. The acoustics are pretty amazing as a result. An ARMY walked by passing out free fan made cards of the members. I got Jimin and decided to give it my Cleveland friend along with the one I’d purchased and the one that came in the ARMY bomb box.
There are so many things I could say about the concert but I can mostly write about the things that struck me personally, the most.
I thought the setlist, music, singing and b dancing were all 10/10. I wished the vid screen had just kept clear shots without visual effects and stickers. We didn’t get any cussing cause’ Night 4 was streamed PPV Live.
I always thought Jimin was very effeminate looking, his voice, even his perfectionism, and quietness. I really want to comment here on how badly I hate the shipping people do on Jimin with other members, and specifically any that they do with Jungkook who he raised since he was 13 because of this. Because when he was on stage there was ZERO feminine energy. It was 100% masculine energy, and it was extremely charismatic. I was really shocked by this, I mean, sincerely. He far, far exuded the most masculine energy. Why did I think quiet was feminine? Damn!
You can tell J-hope’s dancing no matter how far away you are, his lines and movements are just that clear. I could easily find him on the stage without squinting. He always sounded perfect, his voice is so consistent. Perhaps he is called upon so infrequently because he is so invested in his dancing… but I wish we heard his voice more. I love the place he fits in BTS, and I love every song he’s on, I just wish more of the songs had verses for him I guess. Or maybe that he would release more solo work.
It’s impossible to be surprised at how well JK is at everything. His dancing is really at the 3J subunit level now. His singing is always ready and golden. He has the stamina of youth. I guess piercings and tattoos are the only way he CAN surprise people. LOL Oh and being adorable with Bang.
Suga- ah, well he’s the one who made me a fan after all. He looked amazing. Very healthy. He sounded great too, especially with Chris Martin. He made me laugh when the camera was on him for introductions, he just waited for a minute and then made a kind of pose like he NEVER does and it was both charming and hilarious. We all loved it, you could feel like a bubble of happiness explode in the audience. How amazing. His Vlive was so cute too. He squints at the screen and answers questions no one can read but him. As usual. LOL That’s probably what I would do… maybe he’s too secretly vain to wear his reading glasses once he takes his contacts out. I’m also a Pisces and I resisted wearing reading glasses until the absolute END for that reason. Who says you can’t just keep making the font bigger? Until you are at the grocery store… those tiny typers. He’s just talented. Talent always shines through.
Taehyung is just too much. My bias for much of this year because the mom in me just wants to cuddle him and make him eat, and never let him be alone unless he wants to be. He just has this vulnerability that I cherish. He’s different and as someone who was often excluded because of my intelligence or different way of looking at things, I feel a lot of empathy for him. I also admire his voice so much, really, and his taste in music and clothes. He feels like a kindred spirit in the Anne of Green Gables way. He has a joie de vivre and confidence in being himself that I share. It’s like he is a mixture of classic 40’s icon (Cary Grant) and modern eclectic at the same time. That night he looked like he was having fun but occasionally I’d see him wince a little unconsciously and I’d worry he was in pain. Honestly he has my favorite voice. But I really worry about him the most.
Jin has really been making me choke lately. I have had Yours from Jirisan on repeat since it came out, and then his ments’ from the concert were just so sweet and simple. Since it was his birthday celebration, he was more moved than normal in his last ment’ and seeing him that way was extra sweet. That’s what is so nice about Jin. Not only does he have that amazing silvery pure voice, but his simple open heart and way of looking at the world just makes me calm. I bet he has that effect on Namjoon too. I bet that is what Namjoon likes most about him.
Because of course Namjoon. Ultimate bias wrecker, Joon. I’m learning Korean in part to read Korean poetry because of some of what he posted. He used his last ment’ to call a kind of personal coda to this chapter of his journey. His words were sincere and brave, open and true. They offered reassurance to any who worry for him, as he himself, had worried about his own strength. But for those of us who see so much greatness, heart, and strength in him, and know there is so much more to come… it was a benediction to hear his words. I imagine the day, though maybe they don’t yet, when they won’t have to dance and sing but will have dancers around them. I imagine the day, when they focus on singing, songwriting, producing, directing the dancers, and the visual media they use to communicate their vision instead. They have all those talents and more. That is so much work! I mean yeah, dance as long as you want, but stop when you want and know you don’t have to do that for you to be successful. It’s not like you have to be completely still. But super intense choreo? No. That’s not why you’re beloved.
So what is it then? It’s that connection that they create between fans and themselves that manages to feel one on one, even though it isn’t. ARMY and BTS might as well be married because they are inseparable. At the close of the concert, during the last song, that came far too quickly, Chris Martin from Coldplay appeared to everyone’s surprise. From my seat I could barely hear the artists singing because ARMY was singing along so loudly. The energy was just intense. I’ve been to a Coldplay concert. Even Chris isn’t used to that level of energy.
I remembered I had a shuttle ticket to a nearby parking garage from my canceled rental car parking plan, and a good thing too. I was able to get away from SoFi on a comfy motorcoach and get an Uber from there for $11, when the ride would have cost me $60+ from the stadium. I washed up, got in bed and watched a last episode of the new Dexter before falling asleep.
I woke up in time to pack and get myself washed and dressed for the airport in good time. I got an Uber, forgoing breakfast and got to my gate in time to get a oatmeal/flax/berry cup type thing and coffee at a shop called Klatch coffee across from it.
I was much sleepier on the way back and though I set up a movie I wrapped my coat and hood around me and dozed in and out. Just as on the way out, I was fortunate to get a seat with a space between me and the other passenger. On the way out I had aisle, but on the way home I had window. This was good, because I was losing a lot of time traveling back east. The same 4 1/2 hour flight, but leaving at 12:00 noon got me in at 8:30 pm I took a couple of pictures of the sky below me with the lights glowing up from the clouds. The location tag says it’s somewhere in Ontario? We must have been looping around to fly into Cleveland.
Lights glow up from under the clouds marking them with pink and yellow
As we taxied in, I was reflective about my trip. I had experienced an incredible amount in 3 short days and I knew it would take a few days for my body and mind to recover from the experience. I met a special person. I saw a special group. It was a once in a lifetime kind of an experience. Seems fitting. My mom and dog, Dash, met me at the curb outside luggage pickup.
It’s recently been announced that BTS is taking an extended vacation, and that a new album will be released “soon” and a concert will be performed in Seoul “hopefully in March.” Right after the concert series in L.A. was completed, BTS opened their own personal Instagram accounts and each has over 20 million followers and counting. RM is using his to promote art. Isn’t that amazing? I wish he could see Revealing Krishna, or the Van Gogh we have right now without glass…
The additional Van Gogh we have at The Cleveland Museum of Art without glass. You can get so close you can see each stroke.Close up of sky
For a while I thought this was painted using a knife or the end of a paint brush but as I was able to zoom in like this I could see the strokes of the brush and the places where the canvas peek through. You can smell the oil. It is incredibly hard not to touch so I keep my hands behind my back.
I am really glad to be working the Special Exhibit. It’s been an amazing experience. It has made me hungry for more. I have gotten to visit many museums, fortunately. I’ve now seem 6 or 7 Van Gogh and at least 12 Renoir in person. It’s never enough. I want to see how they translated the vision in their mind onto the canvas, or into a sculpture, or a piece of glass or stone. The feelings of absorbing detail and energy through your visual cortex is unique.
I suppose that is part of what my entire trip was as well. I didn’t just experience sound, but images, tastes, touches, and smells. I saw luxury, technology, modernity, and abject poverty, all nestled together.
But each new day since I’ve been back, I’ve been smiling. I’ve been to the Krishna exhibit when I arrive and seen the special Buddha that radiates such energy and drawn it deep into me like a breath. It fills the well in me as the adventure of this 3 – Day Cruise did. It nourishes. It heals.
The concert did that too.
The Special Buddha in the Special Ex: Revealing Krishna (In Continuous Worship from 1500-1940’s)
Because tomorrow I leave for Los Angeles to see BTS on December 2! This will be my first time seeing them live and the first time I will be surrounded by 60,000 fellow ARMY. There will be ARMY at my hotel. I will wait in line with them. Be among, them dance with them. It’s sure to be an amazing experience. In preparation, I’ve already gotten full platinum highlights with shadowy violet painted on the ends of my hair. Borahae!
I have a new dress that is super comfy to wear to the concert with sneakers. I’m checking a bag and even have a Chimmy luggage tag I got in the Daebak box I received as a gift from my daughter for Christmas last year.
I am currently watching the following K-Dramas: Happiness, Secret Inspector & Joy, The King’s Affection, Hellbound, and Melancholia. I am thinking of starting the Red Sleeve and Now We Are Breaking Up.
I imagine I will have so much more to write in a day or so! Maybe pix or video too. Until then #ARMY #PermissionToDanceLA here I come
Left to right, back to front
Namjoon, Jin, J-hope,
Jimin, Suga,
Taehyung, Jungkook
RM- Kim Namjoon
Kim Taehyung aka V
Namjoon aka RM
I’ve been getting this question and similar ones a lot lately, Why do you like K-dramas? Why are you so interested in Korea? Why are you learning Korean? Right before my father passed away I explained that Korea has become the cultural and artistic center of the world. “I did not know that.” he said bemusedly.
I guess I should go back to how it all started for me. My daughter mentioned K-dramas to me a long time ago. At the time I was just trying to keep up with all the shows I was watching. I wasn’t really interested in investing in a foreign show. She’s been watching them for years and years. Then Covid came. People stopped filming. It was a content desert. She reminded me again of K-dramas and even suggested a good one to start with. It was called Goblin, and played on an app called Rakuten Viki that I downloaded on my Kindle Fire TV.
Goblin was astonishing. Like nothing I’d ever seen produced on American TV, and not in a Squidbilly’s or Rik and Morty way. In a deep, poetic, cultural, and historic way that also featured complicated emotions and relationships. As I came to learn about K-dramas, family is different there. Its history older, richer, and best of all, new to me. As I delved deeper I learned new myths, and Korean history. I learned about complicated rules of behavior and how language played a role in enforcing that. I know so much British, Irish, and U.S. history. I maybe know even more about Biblical history, and Ancient Greece and Rome. Here my ignorance was a blessing, opening up an entire continent of culture, beginning with Korea.
The more I learned, the more I wanted to know. I decided to start learning Hangul which turned out to be fascinating. A language developed by the 4th King of Korea, its alphabet is so easy to learn and so cleverly designed. Since it was specifically created to encourage literacy, it just makes logical sense. There aren’t a lot of crazy exceptions like English. Your mouth is also much softer and relaxed when you speak. The Korean language also is much more poetic, they even have a word for the SOUND of the sun’s burning rays.
K-dramas, I grew to develop an addiction for… in all types of genres. As a result of that I ended up creating playlists in Spotify and occasional searches on YouTube for songs from the Original Soundtracks of different shows. I am guessing this is why one day I was presented with a recommendation for a music video called Daechitwa.
I thought it was an incredible song and video. Let me briefly sat that my musical background is diverse. I fell in love with Elvis as a 6 year old, became a new waver when I was 15, a punk rocker at 16. I started loving Classical in the 2nd grade when the teacher had us all lay on the rug and listen to the New World Symphony with our eyes closed. The 30’s and 40’s were oldies on a radio station when I was a little kid. I loved those too. I still listen to them on the Nostalgia channel here in Cleveland. Alternative and Country have stayed routine favorites. I even enjoy commercial pop like Pink and Taylor Swift. But this, this was something different.
It combined ancient sounds from another culture, modern sounds, rap, lyricism, and another language. Hard and soft, angry and sweet. The video showed two sides of the same person. Their past and their future? I couldn’t understand the Korean. I needed to get the English lyrics and learn more about this artist named Agust D.
As I searched him, I discovered that he was actually a member of the Korean group BTS, which I learned in Korean stands for Bulletproof Boyscouts. I think it’s a pretty cool name. I’d seen them perform on SNL once a few months before and liked it, but I didn’t really get the love people I knew were showing. I knew they were huge. So maybe the song wasn’t past and future in the video, maybe past and present. But I was now 100 times more curious. The kid, Suga, real name Min Yoongi, who was also performing as Agust D, was a true musical genius. As I researched, I discovered the sheer number of his accomplishments. The number of songs he’d written and produced. Not only for himself, and his group members, but other performers. He’d won multiple awards. THEY’D won multiple awards. I was really late to this party. I watched a few videos so I could learn to tell the members apart and also so I could pick out Suga’s voice in BTS songs.
Along the way I discovered the individuals who make up the group. The stories of how they became a team. Their first big hit in the US was on the radio once in a while, Life Goes On. I found out that Suga was actually out after having surgery on his shoulder due to a scooter injury when he worked as a delivery person before he became a trainee. He came from the hardest background. He’d been in pain for a long time and was afraid to tell anyone for fear of being cut. It was only now that he’d felt safe enough to come clean and get help and surgery. Luckily in a way, there was plenty of time for recuperation with the cancellation of all touring due to Covid.
I found out that they had a deep backlist and started working my way through it. As I learned more about the members I found that the Leader, Namjoon and I had the most in common. We shared the same IQ, leadership skills, and desire to protect others. I got a shock in one interview though, when they were asked for one thing that they don’t believe in, and he said that “people were basically good” was something he didn’t believe in. I realized after looking at his reading list though that he really hadn’t been given any of the more hopeful philosophers. As young as he is, it would be nice if someone would recommend that type of reading to him. Fatalism and pessimism are too common in our youth. I mean as a Gen Xer I really believed I would die in a nuclear holocaust before I was this age. I still don’t believe I’ll ever get social security since I’ve been told all my life it won’t be there. But rather than worry too much, I hope.
I hope for the best in people. I hope our ingenuity outweighs our nihilism. I hope people like me, hope filled and shining with love, are more prevalent than deeply cynical people like McConnell or deeply hate filled and troubled people who are white supremacists and conspiracy theorists.
I know there are many people my age and older who have also grown to love BTS and their music. There are also 12 years olds and even babies who love them. That kind of universal appeal is hard to ignore. I actually have a local ARMY friend. (ARMY= official fan club member of BTS) She told me that a person’s bias (favorite) chooses them. At first I thought my bias would be Suga since he brought me in. Then I thought Namjoon since I found commonalities. But the more I came to know them and their music, and spent more time watching their self made variety show, Run BTS, I realized it was Kim Taehyung, who performs as V.
Taehyung who is most vulnerable. Who needs the most hugs and cuddles. The one who misses his family and still lives with them whenever he can. Who adores puppies and dogs. Whose voice falls out of his mouth like rain on a parched heart. Who is playful and full of wonder. Forever a child at heart. Just like me. That is my bias. I am so excited to see them in real life on December 2. It could be their last concert before they go in the military if they all go with Jin. Jin is a simple guy. Loves his food. Sings with a clear silver tone that ends up being the underlying architecture for so many songs. I love the simple happiness that is Jin. Hobi or J-hope, is another rapper like Suga and RM/Namjoon. His voice is roughly between the other two rappers but smoother, winsome. His rap more melodic. His dance is what sets him apart in the group. He is the dance leader and he can do things with his body that seem gravity defying. I enjoy watching videos of dancers reacting to him freestyling. Their expressions of awe make me so proud that I get to also be a supporter of his. As good of a dancer but in a more balletic style, is Jimin, who is known for his ethereal voice, almost feminine beauty, and incredible kindness towards all the others. While he is awfully hard on himself, he never hesitates to provide emotional, or even physical support if needed. He’s a fearsome bug killer, showing no hesitation at all. Last but by no measure least is the youngest, Jungkook. Called the Golden Maknae (Maknae refers to the youngest in a group of colleagues in Korea) because of his incredible abilities, he joined BTS as a 13 year old and was pretty much raised by the other members. As such he was born to be a rock star and it really does show. His voice is out of this world, his dancing is getting so good that he’s formed a dancing sub-unit with Hobi and Jimin. He loves to box, and is good at it. Flaunts tattoos, which aren’t socially acceptable in Korea, and they are accepted. He even has an eyebrow piercing and no one is scandalized at all. Because it’s baby Jungkook, who everyone has watched grow up. On the variety show, Run BTS, all of their personalities are on display and how they interact. It’s so easy to feel like you know them well because they share so much of themselves with their fans, us, their ARMY. There is even a saying, “Stan the group that Stans you back.” That’s what ARMY says about BTS. It’s so obvious it’s true. No award received or talk show goes by where we aren’t mentioned. As an ARMY that just makes you feel more connected than ever.
Falling in love with them is easy, you just have to be open and interested. Give them a few moments, start to learn about them. Pick a song. You don’t have to know Korean to enjoy the music. They are wonderful kids, trying to make the world a better place by using their talents and sharing their lives with the world. They are forgoing their privacy and making sacrifices I would never be willing to make to reduce the loneliness of so many. Their entire twenties! As far as we know, no dating. This is when you are supposed to make all your mistakes, but they are forced to forgo so much, to be a commodity. I doubt the decision they made when they were much younger, ever felt like it would go on for so long. Hopefully South Korea will adapt and let them have normal adult lives at some point.
That’s how it all started. Now I am 2 years in on K-drama, almost a year into learning Hangul. A little over a year over being a BTS fan. I now recommend Goblin to people as THEIR first K-drama or Vincenzo if they only have Netflix. Thanks to Squid Game and its success, people are beginning to ask what to watch next.
BTS is a harder sell for some reason. Despite the incredible album BE that came out this year, it was snubbed by the Grammys. How about Record of the Year?! Despite outselling all other songs this year, Butter wasn’t nominated for Song of the Year. The only nomination they received was for best Performance by a Pop Group or Duo and I’ve heard people say it’s going to Gaga and Bennett because he’s got Alzheimers. Today I spent 30 minutes arguing with someone about why they aren’t on the radio when they easily sell out 4 SoFi concerts without a public onsale. When there is this much demand, why is mainstream music so closed to them? I don’t get it…
At least the American Music Awards got it right this time with #ArtistoftheYear among other awards. #GrammysSoDumb they still don’t get BTS doesn’t need them. Clearly only nominating them to make them perform/show up to keep ARMY watching to juice their numbers. When everyone jumped over to VLIVE last year there were over 11 million viewers, while the actual Grammy show had only 8 million and the Premiere show where their award was announced which wasn’t on TV but streamed has 12 million, so as this article points out, Grammy needs BTS more than BTS needs them. But here they are this year, putting them in the same Premiere show category again and not in one of the main show categories.
I’m just trying to focus on the fact that someone like me is going to be flying to Los Angeles in less than a week and seeing them LIVE on December 2! I am super thrilled and excited and just can’t wait for the entire trip. Not JUST the concert but the merch, the LINE store so I can get BT21 stuff, and Koreatown so I can have some delicious BBQ pork belly.
Published in the print edition of the November 23, 2015, issue.Tracy K. Smith served two terms as the United States Poet Laureate. Her poetry collections include “Wade in the Water” and “Such Color,” which will be published in 2021.
Well 2020 was almost a total bust since it was spent in quarantine. At least I have been safe and haven’t gotten the virus and I will soon be eligible for the vaccine. I say ALMOST a total bust because there were a couple of major developments.
I decided to try to go and teach English in South Korea once things have settled down. It is a good time for an adventure and I am really interested in the culture and history. Especially the complex nuance of religious practices that are followed there. South Korea is really having a moment in pop culture as well, so it will be fun to observe it firsthand.
We finally kicked that orange buffoon to the curb. Sure there are some deluded white nationalists and QAnon cultists still running around, but I’m guessing we have a whole lot more data on them than we ever had before that piece of shite was elected.
2021 is better in some ways, because President Biden is mostly kicking ass and taking names. Though not in every way because he’s way too lenient on Saudi. I’m much healthier than I have been in a while. Having nothing to do for a year gave me time to actually develop a skincare routine. I am all in on acupuncture. That stuff is the bomb.
There really is no way to have a social life right now. Churches aren’t even doing in person here. It’s been over a year since I have had communion in a church.
Still I will be starting the TEFL training soon, so that will be fun. Learning helps focus your mind. I am also trying to learn to read Hangul and speak at least basic Korean before going. Immersion is the best way to learn a language though. When I lived in Venezuela as a child, my Spanish was unselfconscious because I was so desperate to communicate that I improved rapidly. I was 11-12 and it was safe enough to roam around freely. Even taking cabs to stores and markets. Once my brother and I went door to door asking if people had mangos because we had learned how to say that. Everybody has mangos in Venezuela, or they did back then. We came up empty at two places, before the third person who answered their door gave us one. We were clearly American kids so she probably didn’t know what the hell we were doing. We were just excited someone understood us. I didn’t even know the best way to eat a mango back then. I really cringe when I think about that now, but laugh too, because we were just too innocent coming from Alabama of all places, to know we were doing anything strange. Innocent and ignorant. But after living there for a while, we learned better. It was one of the best things that happened in my life, getting exposed to another country, which might as well have been an entirely different world, from southern Alabama.
My birthday is another few days and I am really looking forward to it. I am going out to dinner at Korea House with my daughter, then having cake with the fam at her house after. The Grammys are on Sunday and BTS are performing. Not sure if it is live though since when interviewed they talked about watching them from Korea. Or maybe they are doing the Virtual Grammys? IDK. Lots of other great performers will be on as well, Bad Bunny, Taylor, Billie Eilish, Harry Styles. Should be worth a watch.
It’s the last day of the year and I could not be happier. 2019 hasn’t been a bad year for me. On the contrary, I have had a beneficial year and am ending it with so much motivation and drive.
I didn’t mention in my last update that the Crimson Tide did not make it into the playoffs for the first time in years. Tomorrow will be their last appearance of this season in the Citrus Bowl. Most say this was because of the QB’s terrible injury. We will see how things shake out tomorrow.
I saw two more movies, The Rise of Skywalker and Knives Out. Knives Out is a solid 5 star film. It’s super entertaining, unpredictable, witty and everything you love about whodunits.
I hate to review Rise of Skywalker because I don’t want to spoil anything. I will leave it at this. It had thrills, wonderful and surprising moments, jaw dropping scenes, I teared up a couple of times and I would have changed the ending. You’ll understand when you see it. It’s a MUST SEE if you are a Star Wars fan, which of course, I am.
Rick & Morty’s new season has been pretty good so far. I had a little mini marathon earlier today. Supposedly they are coming out with Pickle Rick Pringles for the Super Bowl.
Christmas was wonderful. No snow, but a beautiful Midnight Mass at the Cathedral. The whole family here came down Christmas morning, and we let the wee ones see their toys from Santa and then we opened presents and dumped out stockings. I was so happy to get a copy of Borderlands 3 and a pair of long lasting wireless earbuds. I can even sleep with them on which is great for listening to meditations or sounds that enrich your sleep. I also got an ornament for the tree that represents the Angel sword I carried for Halloween in my guise of Guardian Angel. Everyone enjoyed the gifts I got for them, which was even more exciting.
My plans for tonight are quiet. I have some sparkling cider. I may watch a movie until the ball drops. Perhaps I will get up early to see the first sunrise of the new year on the new fallen snow.
I’ve been spending a lot of time on Instagram. I discovered you could follow all these local photogs in areas you want to see for yourself. Many of them post daily. So in addition to my friends updates, I now have a stream filled with gorgeous places to visit that I can bookmark. NatGeo also posts stunning shots from all over the world. I learned to follow specific hashtags which helped me find people who were putting out the kind of content I wanted to see. My own account is private but now that I have started following so many new people, many of them have asked to follow back. As a courtesy, as long as they are a real person, I usually let them. I have had to block two men who just wanted to hit on me but that takes seconds so no big deal. It’s encouraging me to take more photos, and I should be anyway. I have a new camera with this Pixel and I love taking nature photography.
Well that’s caught me up. I believe I will be a very busy woman starting on January 2 and onward. I hope you’ve enjoyed the update. Perhaps the next one will be a poem. Happy New Year to any who haven’t hit me on WhatsApp, Skype, or Twitter!
I told my mother at dinner tonight that when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. In this case I was referring to a relationship… and talking about why it’s OK to risk all for very little chance of a love being reciprocated. Aside from the fact that truly loving someone isn’t about reciprocity, there is no other way to love. You cannot truly love with a part of your heart. There is no “holding back” that will save you from pain or loss. When you have recognized and loved the beauty of another soul, separation will hurt no matter what you do. You can tell yourself all kinds of stories to try and avoid the truth… if you don’t sleep with the person, if you don’t officially have a relationship, if you avoid them, if you stop talking to them… etc. etc. It doesn’t matter one little bit. Once your heart has connected to another’s you are bound to them in an invisible, inexorable way. They have marked you and will always be there. Will time and absence dull the pain? Perhaps. Can you mask those feelings with drugs or alcohol? Of course… you can’t feel your own skin with enough drugs or alcohol. But that connection is still there. So why NOT go for broke? Why not fully pour your self into the love you feel? If you are rejected, so be it. If you lose them, alas. At least you were true and honored the deepest part of your self. The truest part of your heart. You let yourself love completely and felt the closest you can feel to heaven and the divine on Earth. Before you stood there afraid… with nothing. Risking everything could gain you the world in the shape of a hand in yours for the long walk through life… risking nothing will leave you with all the pain and the guarantee of regret.
With the ending of the decade, a long and difficult part of my life has come to an end. I have learned so much in the ten years since I graduated from Hollins. I never imagined I would be where I am now. Since I’ve provided no updates in a while, let me tell you where that is. I am living in Cleveland Heights, OH. It’s a bastion of liberal thought. A diverse community with lots of trees, adjacent to world class medical facilities and art museums in Cleveland proper. I’ve worked two elections and verified for myself that the vote can’t be tampered with in this county.
I expect to finish something that I have put off for quite a while very soon. As a result I may have to scrub most of my content from the web. Well as much as is possible. Some things will live forever. This will be a new beginning for me. I expect to move again this year. It’s been over a year and a half since my last move and that’s really unusual for me. Those moves were rarely, if ever, by choice, but I’d like the next one to be.
I had a little health scare, an idiopathic Pulmonary Embolism. My heart is fine. One of my lungs will need a little healing and I have to take a blood thinner for a while at least. I have to see a couple of specialists so they can figure out what the heck caused it. Right now it’s looking like some rare blood factor. It made my blood clot funny and out of the blue, boom. The only symptom I had was a sudden onset of shortness of breath. It took a couple of weeks for me to take it seriously enough to go to the doctor. They sent me to the ER, who admitted me to the hospital. I did not expect the day to go that way. Anyway, 2 days and several IV bags full of heparin later, I was released on blood thinners. I just have to slowly build up my stamina again because the clots will take a couple of months to get reabsorbed.
That’s the worst part. I’m ready to get back to normal but it will take a bit to get that endurance back. Meanwhile I am on Instagram following hikers and living vicariously through them as they scale my size mountains. The kind that take a day to do.
We’ve already had a bit of snow here but it looks like it won’t be a white Christmas. It will be a snowy New Year though. That’s very fitting. It’ll cover everything with a layer of white like a blank canvas to paint my new future on. I’m learning Irish right now. I just love the language and always have. There is a part of me in Ireland and someday maybe I’ll walk streets my ancestors did and this odd homesickness will go away. Who knows what the future holds? Looking back at last year, I read so many books, went back to being a redhead briefly before resuming the much more becoming blonde. I watched some amazing television and movies…it’s still the Golden Age. I thought Game of Thrones made sense, but you have to read the books to see why. After hearing the confession that the showrunners hadn’t a clue what they were doing, I can understand why it made it difficult for anyone else to follow. I guess I was mentally adding in narrative where the holes were. Always a hazard when you read a book before the filmic version. Even though it jumped ahead and left out many plot lines, there were elements of character development from the books that allowed me to predict certain things happening. A sad note, it’s the very last season for Supernatural. How wonderful it’s been to be a part of the development of the online version of the fandom. It was so much fun to use my dormant online marketing skills to do something influential when companies were just beginning to understand consumer influence on social media. So long ago now…. I often feel like a dinosaur talking about any experience I had working online in the past. Like who cares how you get electricity right? You just turn on the light. No one is interested in how the wires work or where the electrical impulse goes to turn the light on. Ditto the internet and the web. The encyclopedia of knowledge in my head is amazing but of zero interest LOL.
Best movies for me in 2019 were Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Avengers Endgame, Captain Marvel, Spiderman Endgame, and Spiderman into the Spiderverse. It technically came out mid December 2018 but I saw in 2019. There are 5 movies I believe would be on this list I just haven’t seen yet. Joker, Parasite, Knives Out, Ad Astra, and A Hidden Life Best Series I watched this year: Watchmen, His Dark Materials, (HBO) The Mandalorian,(DisneyPlus) Teen Titans (DC) (New to me), High Seas (Netflix), Dark (Netflix) Harley Quinn (DC), Umbrella Academy (Netflix)
In the next few days I plan on seeing Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. It’s getting really hard to avoid spoilers but so far so good. My mother and I want to see it in Imax, 3D Imax if possible so we are trying to make that happen. The stalker drama that’s just so bad it’s good, You comes back for Season 2 tomorrow. I probably won’t have time to watch it as I’ll be doing a little last minute shopping, then making a side dish to contribute to the family Christmas dinner the next night. Probably put on A Christmas Story if the kids come down to visit from upstairs, they’ve never seen it. Then It’s a Wonderful Life before Midnight Mass at the Cathedral. One of my friends from Duke Divinity actually got assigned there! So it will be neat to see her again. Coming home after church on Christmas Eve is always one of my favorite times. I always feel so near to bursting with light, radiant. No other feeling in the world like it.
If your flame is banked, dwindling, this is the night to rekindle it. Set it on fire, you’ll be surrounded by the light of others all around you. This to me is Christmas.
I have heard
that there are people
who go out
at night.
Weeknights.
Weekends.
They go to
restaurants.
They go to shows.
Sometimes both
in the same evening.
And no, I do not know how they do this.
They do not change
into some form of pajama-wear by 7 P.M.
and watch half of a movie they’ve likely already seen
only to begin convulsively yawning by 9.
While I enjoyed Dunkirk for it’s gripping story and heart pounding visual action sequences, I thought Atomic Blonde was better. Sharper, smarter. A totally different animal. And Charlize Theron did most of her own stunts!
Of all the Oscar nominated films, I loved Shape of Water, but I thought Get Out was the best and deserved best picture. I have yet to see Phantom Thread but I adored Three Billboards, what great performances!
The newest Star Wars: The Last Jedi really set the stage for the next generation of movies and wipes away the horror that was the second trilogy. (All rules, empires, etc. must fall)
I also really liked Molly’s Game with the always fantastic Jessica Chastain and Idris Elba, and no one can get enough of him, amIright?!
I am working quite a bit right now so I have less time to write on my blog, but I have been making audio logs to transcribe eventually. 🙂
One of the wonderful things about starting my own business has been the freedom to “go home again.” To move back to the small town in South Alabama that I grew up in and be close to my family and the beaches, the food, and the cultural events like Mardi Gras that dominated my childhood.
There have been other things that have been less than wonderful. Living in Alabama means living in a state with a government that I profoundly disagree with. My colleagues at Bose used to joke that my Mason Dixon line was at the neck. My heart was in Dixie but my head was firmly in the Northeast. They were right about that.
This election has been especially challenging for me as it no longer seems to make sense to compromise and live modestly in exchange for the freedom to live close to family, if it means living surrounded by people who are so determined to undermine what I feel America means.
It’s been relatively easy in my freelance roles to stay connected to the latest developments in technology. From IoT in Manufacturing, Retail, Transportation, and Building to advances in Big Data analytics and the way that Software Defined Infrastructure is shrinking provisioning time. How I write means that I absorb and deeply understand entire industries or fields of study before I condense it down to an email and landing page. I make complicated information simple, bite sized and then generate a strong call to action. That’s the job. But in order to do that, I really need to understand what I’m talking about, who I’m talking to, and what would be compelling or interesting to them.
I also sometimes pick up transcription work. Because that work is random, I might be transcribing meeting notes of a Fortune 500 business, or an interview with a leader of an organization. Some of these meetings are in the public sector, some in the private.
But I often miss places I have been. I especially miss the fall, the snow, the mountains. I miss New Hampshire. I miss a million things about living in or near a Blue state. Every day that Trump remains president reminds me more and more of how surrounded I am by people who are fundamentally foreign to me if they can support who is in the White House and what he is saying and doing. I miss the peace I knew there. I miss the people. I miss the intellectualism. I even miss the shopping!
I loved having the option of going to a huge cathedral or a small Episcopal church, all within driving distance. I loved being able to drive to the top of Mt. Washington if I got too hot on a summer’s day and instantly be in 50 degree weather.
I am torn between maintaining my own company and staying near family, and just finding a place up North and starting over. There are a bazillion jobs in NH and MA if the writing isn’t enough work to keep me busy. When I’m not busy here I deliver medication to old folks homes, volunteer and do research. But that’s just because there aren’t any jobs in my field in the area. Up there it’s another story.
It’s something to think about.
In lighter news, today I am trying to decide between seeing Dunkirk and Atomic Blonde at the theater. Leaning towards Dunkirk as reviews gush at the visuals. As I am back in a writing for pleasure mood, I will try and post a review.
I am a Christian… an Episcopalian in point of fact, which is one of the more progressive versions of Christianity in the United States. I was born in Mobile, Alabama but have lived in another country and multiple states because of first my mother’s jobs and then my own. I’ve lived in Venezuela, Texas, Florida, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, Louisiana and come back to the greater Mobile area to reside on the Eastern Shore in Alabama. My daughter was born when I was 20 in Orlando, Florida and she was raised in several of the states above. She probably officially considers her hometown a toss up between Orlando and Mobile because all of her mom’s family is in Mobile and all of her Dad’s is in Orlando. Well, all of her Dad’s that live in the United States. Her father is actually originally from Morocco. I met him when I worked at Disney World… Epcot Center to be precise, at the Moroccan pavilion. This was long before the notion of the Middle East as a terrorist threat became ingrained in the American psyche… in fact everyone really just thought “Aladdin” and “Casablanca” when they thought of places like Morocco. Very exotic and romantic. As an 18 year old I was quite swept away.
As my daughter grew up as a typical American kid, she tried on many religions… as I thought it best to let her explore her beliefs. Her father being Muslim and me being Episcopal… I didn’t want to force her to choose one or the other. She actually was baptized at about 9 years old because she decided that she wanted to be Episcopal. But as she got older she grew dissatisfied and explored other options. She was Hindu for a month or so and eventually she went to visit her father for the summer and started to learn more about Islam. She felt a strong connection to it and began to study it and want to practice it. Over the next several years she continued to grow and deepen in her faith and commitment until she was a full member of that religion. It was hard to accept, 9/11 had happened by then and I felt terror at the idea of what she potentially faced from my fellow Americans. It would be so much easier if she just didn’t let anyone know… but of course I supported her decisions despite my fears. There may have been some counseling involved.
Now every day my 5 foot 3 inch tall, 25 year old daughter who is in nursing school lives with people looking at her with fear and hostility. Even when she has her two small kids, my grandsons, in tow. Grandsons who I just taught to catch a football and yell “Roll Tide!” Grandsons aged 3 and 6 who will be American Muslim men one day. I mean my huggy little boys, who play with the dinosaur toys, and elephant toys, and a parade of stuffed animals, will be hated by people all over this country and there is nothing I can do about it. My daughter is automatically hated by people right now and there is nothing I can do. I can’t protect her. The only comfort is that she lives in a bigger city up north at least, where she can blend in. She refuses to live in Alabama where she is too afraid she’d be attacked. But that means I don’t get to see them very much.
Do you know what that is like? To be a regular American afraid my kid might be attacked, harassed, spit on or insulted at any time by other people in my country simply because of her religion? How is our country, which was founded in part to escape exactly this type of persecution, now a place where this is the norm?
When I go to church I look around and know most of the people there would not have an issue with me having a daughter who is Muslim, but then again… some might. Just today I had to issue a warning on my Facebook alerting people that hate speech about Muslims would result in unfriending and requesting that people who hate Muslims unfriend me. The attack in Paris seems to have sent some people off the deep end. In Alabama, the Governor has decided that fleeing the Daesh (also known as ISIS /ISIL who are literally NOT EVEN Islamic despite their appropriating the name… kind of like Westboro Baptist “Church” is “Christian,”) makes you a terrorist, even though you are running for your life and a refugee. Xenophobic, Islamophobic, and a persecutor of the poor…Gov. Bentley is like The Simpsons Mr. Burns incarnate. Someone told my daughter she was lucky she was in the US now. Even though she was BORN here and fricking grew up in Alabama, Florida and Massachusetts and played Pokemon and watched cartoons and ate McDonald’s like every other kid in the US.
So I pray that when people see her they actually see HER, my kid, my daughter, who dressed up as Pikachu when she was 8. Who played soccer when she was 5. Who attended St. Paul’s Episcopal School for Kindergarten. Not someone to be afraid of, not a terrorist, Just a young woman from the South trying to become a nurse and take care of her family who happens to practice a religion that her father taught her because it spoke to her heart. And if you happen to see a Muslim when you are out… just remember, she is someone’s kid like mine and be kind.
Love is a funny thing. I’m speaking of true unconditional love as described by St. Paul in 1 Corinithians 1:
The Gift of Love
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
When you love a person this way it is strikingly different from the way love is portrayed in modern American society. It means that you want them to win, even if it means you lose. It means you want their happiness, even if it costs you your own. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for those I love. I am devoted, loyal, supportive, and accepting of all of who they are, even when they make mistakes or do things that wound me out of fear or self protection. I can’t help myself. I look at them and I see them inside, vulnerable, lovable, beautiful and I only want to protect and love them. To comfort and hold them. I feel a sea of light inside of me that is so deep with my capacity for love… and granted it’s true the pain I suffer at rejections and losses is likewise enormous, but the sea is deep enough to absorb that agony as well. That ocean wells from my love and devotion to God and from his love for me. It is the core of who I am.
Sometimes when we love someone this way, the only gift we can give them is our absence. Occasionally we know why, but other times we don’t. And when you love and your only desire is to shower your love upon the people you adore, to never see them, to no longer share any part of their life is the worst pain. It is loss and grief and suffering. But it is a sacrifice I continue to make as needed… often with no understanding of why. I simply continue to hold my love for them in my heart, a flame that I will always keep burning and watch as they silently drift into my past.
Stay near to me and I’ll stay near to you —
As near as you are dear to me will do,
Near as the rainbow to the rain,
The west wind to the windowpane,
As fire to the hearth, as dawn to dew.
Stay true to me and I’ll stay true to you —
As true as you are new to me will do,
New as the rainbow in the spray,
Utterly new in every way,
New in the way that what you say is true.
Stay near to me, stay true to me. I’ll stay
As near, as true to you as heart could pray.
Heart never hoped that one might be
Half of the things you are to me —
The dawn, the fire, the rainbow and the day
When I first decided to adopt a soldier I had no idea how to go about it, so of course I did what I always do…research!
Now that I have a lot of experience I thought that it would be helpful to create a Guide to Supporting a Troop.
You can do something to support a member of the armed forces no matter how much money or time you have. From sending a card, writing a letter, sending a care package, donating $1 or more, all the way up to adopting a deployed service member and committing to sending them care packages and letters every month. You can even sign up just to write letters, or get an email friend.
Let’s start with the very least you can do: donate money.
There are lots of military charities out there, but how do you know which ones are trustworthy and which ones will do what you want them to do? Well here’s where I donate money when I have it.
1. Magazines for Troops: This organization is a Mom and Pop shop run by a couple who gets magazines to deployed troops. You can submit the information of your service member and they send a big box of all kinds of magazines to them. They’ve done this for all my adopted service members and it’s been such a wonderful treat for them. There is no charge for this, but they ask for donations to help defray shipping costs because it’s $13.95 for every box they send. I try to send them money whenever I can to help contribute towards the shipping they’ve paid for my guys at the very least. A very worthy cause and you can contribute any amount.
2. Homes for Our Troops: This is a very highly rated charity who builds free specially adapted homes for disabled veterans who have just returned from combat. They also have a store whose profits go towards the charity. I bought this year’s Christmas Ornament from there, stickers for my car and try to pitch a few buck their way whenever I can.
3. The USO: The USO is known worldwide for providing comfort to deployed and traveling troops and their families. I know this firsthand as my soldiers have Skyped and chatted with me from USO’s where they’ve gotten Internet Access and a place to sleep while deployed. They also have on base centers where many of my soldiers are deployed with Facebook pages and I love being able to keep track of what’s happening locally. So I donate to them and help them when they are fundraising.
4. The SemperFi Fund: This is the highest rated Military Charity bar none according to Charity Navigator and they provide immediate financial relief in the wake of catastrophic injury.
5. The Battle Buddy Foundation: An organization that focuses on PTSD and Service Dogs for those that have it. This is a passion of mine and I particularly like the way they are using technology and their Facebook to share stories.
When I first decided to send care packages, at first I couldn’t find a way to adopt a soldier. I found other things though. I found a way to send cards to injured Marines who were recovering and just needed cheering up. So that was one of the very first things I did. It’s not hard to send a get well card.
Next I found a place where you could send a single package to Any Soldier. This was an especially great organization because it focused on Soldiers and Marines who don’t often get care packages. You go to the site, go to this page and read the rules, then go to this page and pick your contact. Every unit who has signed up has a representative who receives care packages sent to the address you pick, and then distributes what you send to the soldiers who need it most. This way you have no commitment to a specific soldier. Some of the representatives post pictures of the unit so you can see a little bit about them and get updates.
Next I found Adopt A Hero where I adopted a Marine. I inundated him with letters, cards and care packages after looking him up on Facebook. I also used something called MotoMail which you can only use to send stuff to Marines and some Navy people. It basically sends an email to a post near where your Marine is, prints it and then hand delivers it. This is useful if your Marine is far away from a main Forward Operating Base or FOB for short. The Marine I adopted through this program is in a primitive area and has only sent me one email. It can be hard to maintain your excitement when you are reaching out to someone, writing letters, sending treats and things and getting no feedback but this can actually be the norm. You may never hear back. They are in combat situations, they don’t have time to write letters to strangers. If you do this, remember you are not doing it for you, you are doing it for them.
I wanted to write more letters and I had heard about Soldier’s Angels so I went to their site. In order to get on their Letter Writing Team I read that you have to sign up and adopt at least one soldier through their program. They have a $1 a month sign up fee to qualify you and make sure you are a real person. I signed up, adopted a soldier and also got on the letter writing team. My soldier was from Mississippi which is near me so I was excited. I did a search on his name and even found a mention of him at a deployment picnic the town threw for his unit. I found his Facebook page and looked at anything I could see publicly as a way of sparking ideas on how to write my introductory letter.
What I’ve discovered is that Soldier’s Angels doesn’t explain the process of adoption to the soldiers so I usually do that myself now. The first thing a soldier will receive once he signs up are letters from the letter writing team. Eventually he will be adopted by his own personal angel but it might take a little time because there is a waiting list… as I write this 187 Heroes are awaiting adoption. When I joined it was almost 400. So, eventually they get adopted and their personal angel will contact them. I also include this information when I send a letter on my Letter Writing Team assignments now. But when I adopted my first soldier, I didn’t know this. When my current soldiers come home and I get a new one, I will be sure to explain it all to them up front. As an angel my job is to send one package a month and a letter a week to my official adopted soldier. With my current adoptee, I send a package a month, but we talk almost every day on Facebook or Skype and I also send cards and include a letter or card in his packages. Sometimes I send him little extra stuff too if he mentions something… like his feet are really cold, then I find some extra warm socks for extreme weather because Afghanistan and Mississippi are very different.
When you send a package you can include all kinds of things. I like to include specific items the person likes of course. I wheedle that information out of them. There are tons of lists out there to start you out, just search “care package advice.” But mine is this… start with the basics. The first package you will probably have to send blind. So send a box of assorted candy bars, assorted snack size chips, protein bars or powder, tuna packets, gourmet beef jerky and some basic toiletries. Only send high quality toiletries. No hotel minis. Gillette Fusion Razors and shaving gel, deodorant without a strong cologne, small shower gels, chapstick, mini vaseline, new toothbrush. Things like that. Don’t send home baked stuff, don’t send too much junk food.
Since Priority Mail service supplies are the packaging of choice for families preparing care packages for service members overseas, the Postal Service created a “Mili-kit” based on the items most frequently requested by military families.
The kit contains: Two Priority Mail APO/FPO Flat Rate Boxes. Two Priority Mail Medium Flat Rate Boxes. Priority Mail tape. Priority Mail address labels. Appropriate customs forms. To order the kit, call 800-610-8734. It will come free to your house. Once you pack it up take it to the post office. Sending the full package costs $13.95
Once I was a member of Soldier’s Angels and writing letters, I also found out about their ePal program where you could have an email friend. So I signed up for that. My ePal became such a close friend. He had a baby while he was deployed around the same time my grandson was born. We had great long conversations via email and then on Facebook chat. I enjoyed hearing about his family and his future plans and brainstorming with him. I sent him books and care packages too, even though it wasn’t a requirement, but because I cared about him and wanted him to have what he needed. He sent me things too. I know that I will very likely meet both my adopted soldier and my ePal when they come home.
The Letter Writing team has also been amazing. I signed up to send out 6 letters a week and got 2 names 3 days a week. For a long time I got no replies, but eventually I got one. Then another and another. Most replied via Facebook or email and I always included instructions on how to do that. Now I have several Facebook friends who are deployed who I met through the letter writing team. 2 of them I have become special friends with. I send them treats and talk to them almost every day on Facebook and sometimes on Skype.
During the holidays I went down to 2 letters a week, you can adjust the number of letters you send according to how much time you have to give.
I think I enjoy shopping for care packages and sending them off the most, and getting to Skype my soldiers and see them enjoying the things I’ve sent makes me very happy. At Christmas I did send some homemade candy that kept very well and was a big hit. I really loved watching one of my adopted soldiers eat one.
So you can do all kinds of things to support a troop. From the smallest amount of time, to a way of life, like me. If you ever have questions or know a soldier or Marine who wants to be adopted or needs help, just email me at stjonclark@gmail.com and I’ll be happy to jump in.
I have to caveat my endorsement of Soldier’s Angels because they have terminated my membership simply because I created this page and shared my experiences in hopes of encouraging more people to join their organization and adopt. Apparently the founder mistakenly believed I was attempting to set up a competing organization and didn’t bother to read or understand the purpose of the page and simply had me terminated. Because of this kind of thing, along with their failure to communicate effectively with the soldiers enrolled, I’d say their biggest weakness is this lack of communication. I still think they are a great organization and they have access to so many deployed soldier’s and provide support for new people that they are worthwhile. I am disappointed that they have treated an advocate of their’s so poorly.
I will be exploring additional options going forward and will add to the list as I review them.
It’s a new year and it’s time to catch up. I have spent the latter part of the year in a kind of grand experiment. In addition to adopting 2 soldiers and a marine and sending 6 letters a week through Soldier’s Angels, I decided to offer to listen to anyone who needed someone to talk to online. I did this in a limited and controlled fashion and also talked weekly with my rector about the experiences I was having.
I started this experiment for a number of reasons. The first was that I discovered a site where there were many lonely and desperate people who seemed to need someone who cared and who would just be there and be present for them. I am made to care and love so it was a perfect fit. It called to me so strongly.
I have also been considering whether to go into counseling in some form as a career once my books are published and this seemed like a way to see whether I would be able to deal with some of the emotional requirements of that role.
If I even helped one person it would be worth whatever grief I suffered.
So, did I suffer grief? What was the result of my experiment?
Well it hasn’t concluded, because when I signed on to be present for people I signed on for good or as long as they needed me. Again, that’s just part of how I’m made. Loyal and devoted to a fault.
But I have met some people who became very dear to me because of their sorrows and their triumphs. Some just needed to talk over decisions that were weighing on them and they had no one they could seek advice from. Some sought a parental relationship, guidance, support and encouragement. Some were just lonely and wanted company. Some were in crisis and because I have been there myself I was able to reach out and take their hand. Some have become friends I know I will keep because our relationship grew from me listening, to me sharing in return. Some have already said goodbye because they no longer have need of what I offer.
I think that was the hardest thing. Letting go when they are ready to. Because of course, I get attached to each person I help. I fall in love with each person a little bit. I can’t help but see the beauty in each person when they share themselves and it is captivating. The more time I spend with them, the more I care. I don’t look for anything in return of course. But to no longer see their face or hear their voice when they are ready to move on is the hardest part. To no longer be able to check on them or worry for them when for weeks they were my concern all day, every day is painful. To no longer be allowed to care. This is where the grief comes in. I knew it would happen up front and that makes it little easier to bear. I gladly pay the price for having known each person for even a short while. They were a blessing in my life as I hope I was in theirs. But it still ouches.
You know I’ve written about loss and accepting it, how it is such a natural part of life. The thing to do is stay open, accept and love anyone you feel love for. Know that it will hurt when you lose them and spend your energy on learning how to recover from loss effectively instead of building walls to protect you from caring. Walls don’t work anyway. You end up caring and hurting no matter how hard you try to keep your distance.
So I let myself have a few days watching marathons on TV and sleeping in. I stare at their pictures and talk to them through my prayers. I think of all the things I wish I could have done with them or said to them. I carry a memento of them with me that I can touch as I go through my day. These little things help me move forward. I might not “get over” people or be able to stop loving them, but I can let them go on without me. For myself, I can keep my memory of them close and honor the feelings I have by paying them forward, always ready to love again.
Some of you may not know I am a fan of comics. Recently DC relaunched Justice League and I’ve been hearing things. Superman is the ultimate hero for me, I love that he’s so pure. I also like WonderWoman, I pretended to be her often. Underoos, anyone? So I was amazed and thrilled to discover that they had ditched the always needing rescue Lois Lane and had Superman and WonderWoman fall for each other! WHAT?! That is AWESOME. Here’s a the cover for the most recent issue:
The Kiss Cover on Justice League 12
So I stopped by a Comic shop while in Montgomery today and picked up the first 5 in this series, yeah #12 was completely SOLD OUT and I was a little bummed because I HAVE to get it. The owner of the shop is apparently at DragonCon in Atlanta and hopes to get a few there. The man at the shop today offered to put one aside for me if he gets any, so I will stop in on Wednesday to check when I go to tutor. Here’s today’s haul though:
My Justice League Comics 1-5
I love Sundays. I am enjoying the church I am attending in the Montgomery area and am looking forward to my first tutoring session on Wednesday. Attendance was light today due to it being Labor Day weekend but my mother was able to join me which is always a treat. Afterwards we had brunch together and then did a little grocery shopping. There is a Fresh Market in Montgomery as well as a Publix and I like to stock up on things like fancy tea, Turkey PerkyJerky and my favorite chocolate bar. You most definitely will not find these things in Troy at the Super Wal-Mart, Piggly Wiggly or Food World.
We aren’t doing anything too special for Labor Day. I’ve been laboring quite a lot lately so I hope to relax, see a movie, and finish setting up my new Marine/Afghanistan Care Package project. Fun stuff in other words. I just need help getting a logo together for it and then I’ll launch the blog/Facebook page/Twitter as well as start advertising it locally on cable access and at local businesses.
In fitness news, I continue to meet my goals. I’ve added more Yoga to the mix after discovering I could do some pretty amazing poses. I’ve always been super flexible, and in Yoga this can really be used to my advantage to get into advanced positions that not only give me a great workout but feel amazing too. I can do two pull ups now which I am quite proud of. I will consider myself really impressed when I get to five.
On September 7th I am going to see Tony Bennett in concert in Biloxi which should be fantastic. My mom scored free tickets and we are staying the night. That’s a nice little vacation to look forward to.
The Gospel According to St.Jon 